Last week I was searching for movies to watch with my girlfriend. During
this process I found what I consider to be the most bizarre fantasy movie
I've ever seen.
CONQUEST (1983) is an italian sword & sorcery film about a warrior
sent on a quest to defeat the dark queen Ocron using his magic bow.
Before you go and watch it I must warn that
it is a movie full of over-the-top gore effects and multiple scenes of topless
women front and center. Despite that, I still love this movie dearly.
The soundtrack is incredible, and it creates a tone of mysticism throughout
the film. All of the acting is juuust bad enough to where it creates
more of a surreal atmosphere than a low budget one.
This movie had me wondering what other awful c-list 80s fantasy I was missing
out on. Later, I found a movie called The Dungeonmaster (1984)AKA. Ragewar
where a programmer must use his computer powers to defeat an evil wizards many challenges,
each of which is directed by a different person, to save his wife.
The wife in this movie is initially fed up with how obsessed the main character is
with his computer, but comes to terms with his robot side chick when it is the
cause for her survival. It is a much easier and fun movie to watch compared to CONQUEST, although
I still do prefer it.
"Well why don't you marry it?"
This website has been the most fun I've had with anything in ages. It's been around 2 and a half
years since I started with megaweenie.com, and I'm damn proud of it so far!
This thing is my baby, even though I'm certain it's full of security issues. I'm finally
one of those 'webmasters' from the ugly color-filled personal pages of the late 90s.
I think I'll be adding some more onto SKYCASTLE soon, I threw in a button that doesn't do anything
at the moment, but I want a little page where people can see trailers and commercials for some
stuff I like. It'll be boring but I'll love it.
I'm still posted up in Chicago, nice and unemployed for now, but tending to this
site is keeping me happy and learning.
Anyhoo, on life, I feel great!
My hopes are finally up for the future, it's looking happy. The world isn't going to explode if I
don't have a doctorate in computers or whatever, and as long as I have a roof and food to eat,
I'm good!
Also, I just never had anything much to say these past couple months, so now there's another fat gap in
my blog. Yuck.
Shoplifting is widely considered to be illegal. However, I believe
this taboo only applies to small, locally owned businesses.
Target is not one of these.
I've often heard that target keeps an exact record of how much you have
stolen from their stores, and only acts upon it once the value reaches a certain
limit.
To me, this seems like a store that gives you anything you want, for free,
until you hit a mystery number (of likely thousands of dollars.)
Interesting.
Because of this, I continually walk out of their stores with $50 worth of
groceries, having only paid $15 or so, to cover guilt and gain a receipt to reduce
suspiscion. What a place.
You never steal from Aldi.
Aldi is there for you, and you alone.
Aldi deserves a little more respect than that.
I was once a man who stole from Aldi. Those of you who know this to be
true must understand that I was different once, a scoundrel.
I would like to formally apologize to Aldi for my sins.
The game I was obsessed with for many years in my early childhood,
My Singing Monsters, has recently ruined an entire portion of the game;
bbno$ has been added as a monster on Cold Island.
His monster has only one purpose:
To occasionally demolish the song by whispering, "Yezzir it's cold outside"
as if he were an addict attempting to convince you to give him money.
Although I haven't been active in this game for years, this still feels like a punch in
the throat. Shameful.
Boy, was I.
Shortly after writing that I fell into a real deep state of isolation. I completely
stopped giving a shit about school in this time, and while I was still enrolled,
I was basically no longer a student. A month or two ago I made the hefty decision
to drop out for the year. I made the choice in a split second on the train after ruminating over
school for all of my time prior to making it. For the moment it
felt liberating, but as I slowly inched closer to my home, I began to feel more
and more waves of failure washing over me.
Now, I am well aware that this isn't the end of the world, but when I walked in and saw
my parents it absolutely felt like it was. It took me about a week
to feel the relief I should have been feeling, as I was getting over the fact that
I had to shift my future around a little.
And now I sit here with my laptop, still working on my little projects, and everything
seems like it's going to be alright.
Aside from all that, the Venlafaxine has actually been improving
my confidence and mood, although the fatigue is still definitely there. It took a couple
dosage changes to get it right but I believe I've found a pretty solid pill, although the
withdrawals are quick to show if I miss a day. At the moment I'm working on an
intermediary page for Bode's itch.io gallery, so users can choose whether they want treasure
or trash. He's been making some amazing games since he hit college, and it's
incredible to watch and sometimes be a part of.
Me and my girlfriend are still quite happy for the most part as well, which is awesome.
I love her a whole bunch.
I'll probably get another blog post out here soon if anything of note happens to me,
but right now, that's all the important stuff.
I've been having trouble getting to class as of late.
This Wednesday I hauled myself into class so I could explain my absence
to my english professor, who gave me an extension of a few days on
our current writing project, a nature memoir.
This blog post will consist of the entire memoir I have written this morning,
underneath this text in a link.
I'll be editing it soon, it has a lot of odd language I wrote while I let my brain
leak out.
Everything Stays
Bryer was over this weekend.
We had tried to get his swedish cousin over as well, but that boy
could not fathom hopping on a train for half an hour for a fun time in
the city. I had him park in a spot outside the building where we were
surprised to find no ticket waiting for him in the morning. I had him play
Boneworks, an incredibly developed VR game with an absolutely astounding physics
engine. This was practically Bryer's introduction to VR, which was hilarious,
considering that this is a game meant for people who have used a headset many times
already. Thankfully he had very little motion sickness, which was surprising. He had
a blast knocking objects against other things and attempting to break every box he found.
I've got my antidepressants swapped to Venlafaxine at the moment, while overlapping the
Zoloft, so we'll see how it affects me in the future. I'm really hoping that it's going
to bring back some of that motivation for life in me that I've felt I've been missing
for a good amount of time now. I think the true worst of all this right now is that
the robomode has made it incredibly difficult to attend my classes. All of it
seems worthless, and my grades are clearly going to falter because of it. Yuuuck.
I'll get past it all, and things will be alright. Right now? Ick.
I always have my girlfriend though, which makes this a load better.
I feel almost as if the idea of schooling isn't appealing to me any longer, with
my mind being much more set on honing my skills becoming a full stack developer. So far
I am being forced to go through so many more courses and lectures in my future that will
have little to no effect on my actual aspirations, regardless of whether or not I'll reach my
major's specialized courses by my junior year.
Becoming full stack is something I'm already on a great path towards, with myself now beginning
to touch what is possibly my least favorite language of all time, PHP. I hate it more
than I do JavaScript. I will continue as best I can with college for now, because
of the expectations I believe are upon me to graduate and get some sort of degree.
It feels as if by the time I will be able to work on my major in a couple years, I will
have been able to learn so much more on my own, just as I have with frontend development
thus far. Of course, this perspective has many MANY cons attached to it, so I believe it
should be best to keep pushing myself through whatever high school level classes I am being required
to take at the moment, so that I do not end up as some sort of bum in my parents' basement.
That college bit was a huge tangent from Bryer, but his Boneworks experience was the most notable
event of that night.
So, for the whole summer and a couple months, I have been experiencing the
intense change that higher education and my 18th birthday has brought me.
Since last writing any sort of journal about my life, I have lost 35lbs, moved
into a studio apartment in uptown Chicago, and spent most of my time not doing
very much at all. Although, I've still made great progress with myself despite how
blind I've been to all of it.
Me and my girlfriend are doing wonderfully, and I am forever grateful she was
there for me throughout what I consider to be the toughest portion of my life so far.
I've reduced my Zoloft prescription to 100mg, down from 200mg, as it has been
making me feel far more robotic than alive. The scary bit about this is that it
sort of required I went cold turkey on my antidepressants for a couple days.
The morning I called my psychiatrist about trying different medication, I was
going through incredibly intense withdrawal symptoms. I'm frankly not sure how I survived
that morning, as every thought that flew into my head was telling me the worst
shit I could ever be forced to hear. Aside from that, I was also the most productive
I had been in a whole year. I advocated for myself heavily that day, and I believe
it was in part due to the consciousness allowed upon me by halting my Zoloft intake.
I will absolutely never be making this mistake again. I still have a large bruise on my palm
from it colliding with my own face. I think the only reason this event helped me at all
is due to my already decent sense of self keeping me from not seeing past my own nose. I took
that manic energy that was given to me that day and did as much as possible, and now I'm
back to sitting and doing very little.
On a much happier note, I made my girlfriend her own webpage and I'm very
happy with how she likes it. I still find great passion in making things like that, and
it makes me feel even happier to be able to share it with people I love. I'm hoping
that if this whole university thing turns out to be a waste of my time, I can cling
onto this hobby of mine and do something amazing with it.
I feel like I always have a great deal of hope in me that constantly gets shot
down by the small amount of despair running things up there. I think,
though, that everything's going to end up alright.